Using statistics you can prove anything!!
Even that BREAD KILLS!!!!
Bread Kills!1. More than 98 percent of convicted criminals are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on sats tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.
5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:
- 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
- 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
- 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
- 99.7% of the people involved in air and car accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
- 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.
8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.
10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jam, peanut butter, and even cold meat.
11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to children.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and car stickers.
3. A 300 percent tax on all bread to pay for all the social ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.